I am going to post this music video and song from Eminem and the explicit just LP picture. The reason for this is ,because the music video has in the background has a sample “these voices” and gives you something to watch visually. This relates to me ,because I have said in some blogs I have me my normal self and this is a representation of voices in my head. Eminem and how he talks non seriously and in the scenes can also represent delusions or the crazy ideas that cause this confusion and contemplating why Dre is more serious ,but Eminem is trying to counter everything Dre(Your Conscience) is telling you not to do. The first part of the song when you hear “who are you?” ,that represents people with schizophrenia who don’t know what’s wrong with them all the time or that voices aren’t normal when they have them all the time ,how could you know? That said notice Dre(The real me) Introduces himself ,while Eminem(The bad voices) just appear because they are hallucinations and Also you can hear voices ,while your conscience is a feeling and morals ,hence not understanding why you are contemplating something and hearing “Who are you?” ,that’s the symbolism. Eminem is the bad one(voices) and Dr Dre is the one trying to help me be stable and give me the strength to not stop getting help ,the real me. The third one which is me thinking along with the voices mixing me and them ,so the whole song I’d say is like my blog or my journey, and the whole song is me always having bad voices vs my normal self fighting back and forth in my head. In this song 3 situations happen and three different outcomes not going to spoil ,but this sums up how things were for me I even used to post about 3 sides of me before in posts on here if you can find it. I know one is a picture of a man in a yellow jacket looking at the ocean left dark blue, right light blue, and middle white where they collide. I am posting the second version of the exact same song ,because you should watch the first video the music video it paints a picture ,but they can’t be explicit in it the second will be explicit and more brutal just like how my mind used to be and me sugar coating when talking bout my past ,but like I said In the video they have Voices sort of thing in the background don’t remember the explicit having it. Well here it is ,was saving it for a blog ,but realized this deserves a main page. Listen and watch all 3. This is just a representation to be clear. Update: Added another Eminem song relates in many ways throughout my life and my blog is where I anonymously post stuff ,but also where people can read my story, feelings, and mental states at times of making my posts. Also, about my private life and me saying how I feel and have to get it off my chest sometimes ,so I write these blog posts 5 hours straight most the time and I don’t get tired. The third song and video you see him in different stages as well The very start ,the door opening that’s for you guys coming to my blog ,a door opening into my life and hardships. The walking into a church scene you know the saying ” there are some things between only you and god” well what I write here are my raw feelings ,I also view the walking into a church as regretting your actions ,but coming to terms with or at least acknowledging your wrongs. The digging a grave part and crying is letting your hatred out for what people have done to you or events that have happened starts out angry at the start and the verse where he’s crying at the end ,but saying very hateful things shows a deep wound being reopened reflecting back to the start of the digging. When he’s sitting by the door I take it as a breakdown moment or “I can’t believe some of things that I’ve done, thought of and of doing , or how I was before and what I thought of myself”. Then the scenes of his real life events being put into the video with him as a kid and and no one knows the suffering behind closed doors with family or close people. A family can look so happy and everyone thinks your parent are such a great family ,but in many homes mine included behind closed doors things happen. The chorus I’m sorry mama part that exact chorus to me is I confront my family on how I feel ,I don’t mean to make them hurt ,but I’m cleaning out my closet a.k.a saying how I feel and will be honest with them and others I don’t care if it ruins their image they hurt me and it’s not about getting them back as revenge it’s me saying things that they did and the pain they caused. Also talking to fake friends who talk down on me or made my life worse and when I get better they try to bring me back. The lonely part at the end of the song for me represents how I used to or currently feel even some I have now, they aren’t trying to improve and try to sap my happiness so that harsh verse is how I felt on the inside before. and The sitting on the bed scene of third video is me reflecting which I do a lot now that I am spiritual. Update- adding a Alan Watts speech 4 minute I was sent this video by a friend and I really like it Just like the last sentence said how I am spiritual well people really do look for that goal that purpose and like the video says you were supposed to dance and sing while the music was being played ,because you go and achieve something or work yourself up to something ,then feel happy your there like a good job. The thing is you should also be happy in the current and focus on the now that is what I have been doing ever since I became spiritual I do have a sense of purpose to help those in need or those I can. I can say this inspired me or I don’t want others to feel the way I did those things may be a factor ,but the reality is I just like seeing people happy even if they aren’t close doing a random act of kindness and seeing a smile or getting kindness back like yesterday after my ultrasound talking to my school counselor for classes and he spent 10 minutes talking about how I can call anytime and to stay strong and went out of his way to stop about the classes telling me work arounds for the better and makes me look even more on people who do jobs usually I assume most aren’t kind ,but I have been proven wrong many times such as my counselor, therapist , psych, and med term teacher. My counselor doing that made me tear up even though I had no fear and I really appreciated it from the bottom of my heart and it made my day. It makes me reflect on how I hope I felt I help others and you never know if someone has been having a bad day and you pay for the person behind you at a drive thru and see a smile on their face being happy in the moment. I just like people to be happy and realized all the kindness I have received from everyone was them making me happy ,therefore making me want to return to that to the world more. I also saw something on a live twitch stream that made me sad just writing this so I remember it as its’s apart of why I added this update and with happiness you also have to acknowledge sadness ,but I did something kind before i left i hope it made them feel a little better and show someone out there cares ,forgot to mention they linked their twitter and it was concerning stuff just a reminder for myself if I read this. So I like this video it has a lot more meaning then I am explaining ,but that is a small portion. I hope you enjoy after seeing three negative videos that maybe the last will lighten your mood and a way to let you know that although lots of bad stuff I have written in the blog I am content and happy. I hope you enjoy the last video I found it beautiful :
living with schizophrenia
