A good day

This picture represents me and the voices are just a part of me ,but they aren’t nice they are sinister so the ugly demented face is the voices.Yesterday was one of my childhood and best friend’s wedding.I am glad i was there for it i took a 2 mg xanax and a 2 mg klonopin.I was loopy ,but I could function properly.I saw him cry when he was doing his vows and the whole thing was good.He asked me if I would come to his house and i said sure ,but i told him i couldn’t drive thats when my high school friend said i could take you there and drop you off at home later ,but then something in me just wanted to leave so i left the wedding when everyone was eating i told the bride tell my bestfriend i am leaving.So as i walk out he came running out and said are you leaving and I said yeah I am and he said no worries man just making sure your ok.I told him i was ,but i just wanted to go he said thanks for coming and then i told him to get back in there it is his day.After that i saw another friend who lives 2 hours away and drove here for the wedding he was having bad anxiety.I asked him what was up while waiting for my mom to come pick me up.He was saying yeah he was having anxiety thats why he wasn’t talking at all and his girlfriend was getting mad at him for not talking and she doesn’t understand so I talked to him and gave him an anxiety pill to help him calm down i said take a small piece so you don’t black out.He went inside to take it and my mom came and i went home.Later one of my friends online came to me with some problems and she was all worried about having a talk with her boyfriend.I calmed her down ,but then someone I started ranting about some of my problems  then caught myself and said it’s not about me sorry i didn’t mean to start talking about myself.She said she likes it when i talk about my problems too it makes her feel better so I rambled a tiny bit not about my schizophrenia ,but about problems i have deep down about.My online best friend.I also talked about other things ,but i was just telling her how I felt like he was attacking me the other night and other stuff ,but after that she was worried about the talk still and her boyfriend who is my good friend too was at a small get together so she was in anticipation.So i decided to comfort her and we showed each other songs, sang together, and were just talking so that i could get her mind off everything and then at the end she said I have to go he is here.I messaged her this morning ,but she hasnt replied i wonder how it went.Then i went to church this morning ,but i strongly dislike church.I am a believer in god ,but church I find meaningless and I don’t know how to tel my dad I don’t want to go without thinking worse possibilities.Sometimes i have my doubts though about jesus being the true son of christ ,because I sometimes think there is a higher power ,but we really don’t know who it is .Like think about it no matter what you believe in or anything we won’t know till we die or we may never know.The world is full of mysteries and I even talked about theories with one of my real life friends who moved across the country and it was great.I like listening to what people think about stuff.It is interesting hearing theories and beliefs it’s when people talk about the point of view and how they feel I don’t understand.Thanks for reading todays blog and sorry if I am not posting enough some days I forget to write.