Fun and debate

This picture represents all the things i wish i could tell people ,but i cant so I write on here.Today was a day mixed with many things I had a lot of fun today I picked up two friends i vaped while driving some vape juice getting a nicotine buzz and then we went to a park they were smoking weed i was vaping.Then a car pulled behind mine and stayed there I got paranoid so we left.We then went to panda express ate food while talking.God did it feel good to get out.After that we went to my friends house and I have never been there before and we shot pellet guns at targets.By this time we all caped all the juice.I went back to my friends house and hung  for another hour then left.The rest of the day I was talking with friends then later when everyone left except one friend.He said I’m ready to die then started talking about how religion is fake.I am a believer barely i’d say I am on the rim on not believing.The thing is we started debating and i was getting cut off I couldn’t even talk back at points to tell my opinion eventually i got too.I forgot the stuff i wanted to say before.Even if i agreed or disagreed with him I was questioning him about everything so i could see his response.It later turned into some race stuff.I overall felt drained about debating for an hour or 2 or 3 i don’t know how long it was going ,but its just how debates are .People keep saying counter arguments and think they are right.He was telling me certain things were fact i didn’t believe and some were true.When we were talking about religion he said he thinks life just ends he says when you are born you had no concious so what happens when you die.That religion is fake.I believe we really don’t know what happens after death you can ponder all you want but we won’t know we may never know or we might find out after death.We talked about science and i questioned him on saying big bang theory and science no matter how hard they try can’t find our origins sure there could be evolution ,but people use that as a scapegoat they don’t even know anything about it they use it as an excuse.I asked him how do you know all that is factual tell me about it he told me he isn’t a scientist he doesnt know.Thats what I mean by people all have their opinions.I asked him at one point what brought this religion things up and he told me he was depressed earlier ,but he didn’t give me a straight answer when i asked that I can remember.Then we talked about race in arguments. sterotypes statistics hell i agreed on some stuff ,but i still questioned just to get the mind going ,but i felt like it was getting nowhere I told him i’d be back in 30 miutes and im gonna listen to music so i can write this blog.He said i probably won’t be here when your back I don’t know what he meant ,but at one point before that he was just laughing I don’t know what was going on.I just think humans or evil and the whole time i would occasionally hear bad voices about him ,but i ignored them.It is just the debate wasn’t going anywhere so I just wanted to stop He might of thought he proved me wrong on everything ,bcause no matter what people aren’t just going to change their opinion unless something changes in them.He did prove me wrong on one thing though.Now that i got that off my chest ,because this just happened about 5 minutes ago.I had a really good day I am glad i got out and plan to meet a lot of new friends and expand my life.I always wonder what its like to give up on life.Luckily i am not at that point and hopefully I don’t get there.I feel people say they are you going to commit suicide ,but don’t for many reason some would say their is a chemical in your vrain that stop you , people fear after death the unkown, or maybe they still have a strand of hope here or feel it would be selfish.I am slowly almost not even trying to talk people out of suicide anymore it is like im telling them if you want to do it do it.It may be fucked up and I think some people do it for dumb reasons ,but who am I to judge.I have no right to judge ,but I can’t help but be judgmental in my mind.I just can’t and I have the two parts of me.The one that used to be real nice and help people talk them out of things ,but im giving into my other side like just not even helping them when they are depressed I even asked my online best friend today if he was more depressed today he said yes and I asked some questions ,but didn’t put a lot of effort into it.I fel like i’m going to my other side where I listen to what i hear and agree who cares if they die they deserve it fuck them.It is almost at this point not even bothering me i’m losing it a little more now maybe im slowly giving in or giving up I don’t know maybe I am just changing in a bad way i don’t know.I do like debating sometimes though.I have had like 3 people tell me they are super suicidal within like 3 days.I don’t even want to help anymore ,but whats changed I always want to do the right thing whats happening why do i not want to anymore am i giving up on them am i being a bad friend am i listening to the other side I don’t know.I really wish i did.I got told again I impact a lot of peoples lives ,but do i really am i just being told that.I bet i could change their opinion easily if i wanted too.I feel like it is hard to be friends with me without a mask.Even while debating I was hearing shit and thinking some stuff ,but i was mostly just trying to question stuff to open both our minds from his opinions.I actually feel like calling the priest at my church and tell him i’m losing faith and just have a walk with him and talk about stuff.I am gonna prob tell my dad to call him because im a line to losing my faith.I am still listening to this cigarette song on repeat.It is called offonoff- cigarette.For those who didn’t read my last blog.I am also sedated by meds right now about to pass out from be tranqulized.I don’t know a lot anymore.I also had to take a klonopin ,because my mom was ignoring me for no reason and anger stated building up in me so i stopped it real quick.That is how things went today.Hope you guys can enjoy things ore then me:).

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