Mania

This picture represents me being on my own island my head that is and around me is outside factors where no one can come in.Today was a regular day went to the wrist doctor now I am going to be referred to a well known hospital for my wrist. Tommorow I have a dentist appointment and then the next I have my psych appointment.Todays weird now ,because i got a burst of energy and am just saying whacky things to y friends.They are asking me what im on ,but im on nothing just myself.I don’t know if this like mania or what ,but i feel energetic out of nowhere like im high on life.Let me tell you what though my one friend is very annoying and when i talk to my friends i don’t know why im the center of things like im not the center of attention here leave me alone.It is all just annoying and my one friend who i wouldn’t call my friend anymore ,but i wouldn’t say that just likes to make constant jokes and say stuff too spite me.Lol he was saying fuck anyone who defends xxxtentacion earlier ,because he knows i like him and he was saying x killed 8 people and that he made his girlfriend commit suicde like what is he on that didn’t happen seems like he is trying t push buttons which isnt gonna work on me haha.I was saying x will live on and he said i’d piss on his grave and kill him again if he was alive ok sure buddy whatever you say .Overall I can see why he has no friends no one wants to take that stuff he says.anyway I feel real hypr or something right now so i thought i’d write and at the current moment im just typing random things in a chat with him and one of my bestfriends.They both left the call with me ,because i wasn’t talking ,but still type i chat lol.Doesn’t matter to me Im just gonna talk to my other friends and wait for my one friend to go to bed and then my bestfriend will call me.At this curent moment they are still talking about the rapper x just to try and spite me its funny how petty soe people can get but hey what they want to do its on them.They think they are slick ,but they arent im not phased IM just excited and typing this blog right now.I still think its weird i was in a depressive state earlier this week still doesnt make sense i decided to leave the call with my others friends because their voices are too distracting and i just want to type.At least my bestfriend has some legitimate reasons to not like the rapper as he did do some bad stuff in the past but he changed towards the end for the better.I’ll admit he did some fucked up things in the past that arent right but how can you hold that on someone for their whole life even after they changed in the end.Thats enough about that I just wanted to say life is a great thing right now and the other day i considered going back to group therapy ,but then i thought about the drive and how early it was again and it deterred me ,but ill talk to my therapist about it.I have to sign up for classes soon ,but im not even stressing on that now.Im just enjoying tings right now i might even look at pictures of sights for enjoyment i dont even want to play a game right now.I don’t even know how i feel anymore but its ok.Sometimes i get lost sense of reality which isnt good ,but im gonna talk to my psych about all this.Life is good though overall I don’t mind how things are right now and i should hang out with my friends more honestly.For some reason I was looking up how to make drugs just randomly to read and it wqas interesting you would have to be a chemist to make a lot of those drugs though.Like LSD and MDMA.I remember back a ways where i watched a lot of stuff on drugs because i thought all of it was interesting and intriguing.I got one last thing to say though i think its funny how my two friends are posting memes about x being dead like they are literally trying to get a reaction out of me XD that sure makes someone look like a good person lol.I’m bringing it up again because my friend is still salty about me saying x live on so hes posting memes about him be deadHe is petty and it wont get him anywhere in life.Doin’t you think it would be cool if when you died you became god of your own world and lived the same life as a god their would be so much i’d do ad it would be great.Not gonna go into detail ,but i would do a bunch.I do spin spatula stories about being a godlike figure often.I don’t even know what im on about right now ,but its all good.I need to talk to my psych  about some stuff though this week and make a list ,because i forget often.I also like lofi radio as it is relaxing and calming and I can move with the beat.I wonder why people say im glad someone died be it anyone.Like you dont have to like themand you can hate them for all you know ,but glorifying someones death makes you a shitty person.Like wishing death or saying good hes dead like who are you to decide who dies bet you like trying to play god.Sure their are people who gladly wanted someone dead or liked that they died ,but you dont have to be glad you can be not sad and you dont have to forgive them ,but if their is an afterlife you can atone for things you did in this life if there is one.I believ there is and others don’t  either way it doesn’t matter whos right people have a right to believe what they want but my opinion is if you glorify someones death escpecially a person that wasnt a shitty person their whole life or tried to change your just as bad of a person.But hey humans are imperfect everyone does hings wrong, makes mistakes, and are selfish. so what right  does anyone in the world have to say baout someone else right none ,but it doesnt mean i can have my own opinion and if you think about it everything is opinions unless they are fact.Worlds full of disagreement thats just how things work doesnt make either of us right.Even stuff that people think is right or the most popular opinion is just societal standard.People who live in the forest and are in tribes that kill each other dont think anything wrong of it , saudi arabia thinks stoning to death for cheating is good , yet are society doesnt think ti should be like that .who is to say either one is right some would say morality is a factor ,but the truth is you both say your right then your both wrong .If someone lives their whole life being taught a certain way then thats all they have ever known ,but because you experienced something different you think your right and their wrong for their ways.Everything is just a code that people hold onto.World is just full of msytery too like all the theories on how we all got here we all dont really know scientist say they can prove it ,but can they really?surew they can prove some stuff ,but not how we were created and dont you think if we were created and all have concious minds then some higher power created us?thats my theory however it may not be corect may not even be close at all.Just like the big bang theory.I honestly think that all the theories on how we wee here are just for people to have some peace so they dont face the unknown.Think about it if everyone had no idea how they came here some would be bothered or freak otu or just speculate so people come up with these ideas for maybe a following ,maybe for power, maybe to ease minds we dont know.Sorry for ranting so uch today i just got enrgy and need to let some of it out have a good day!

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