Blank Dark Night

This picture represents stuff I question all the time  such as reality.Today was a good normal day except my parents fighting earlier ,because I wanted to eat bread for christ sakes.I went to get some bread with vinegar and olive oil and my dad said why are you getting bread and then my mom said he can have bread if he wants.I left and came back and heard my dad saying to my mom he just had dinner then my mom saying people have bread with dinner.Then a couple minutes later when I am in my room I hear my parents arguing and yelling over some fucking bread like dad shut the fuck up you piece of shit.He always gets mad if i eat food because i have a little weight on me.It is annoying he doesnt care what my brther eats but if i eat so help me god.My friend is going to pick me up soon and im gonna spend the night because i already planned to earlier and I feel blank for the rest of the night so far.Not because of my parents ,but I just don’t know what to do im not interested in anything at the moment.I was a little while ago just listening to music and staring at my ceiling and I just have a weird blank feeling again.I am listening to this music right now it is very beautiful playlist.

I think you should listen to it even if you don’t like anime it is still very good.I went to my psych and got ambien instead of trazadone ,because that stuff was making me groggy and my psych said that my ambien only lasts a little while so it wears off  in like 4 hours.He was saying he wouldn’t want me to wake up after 4 hours once it stopped working ,but i told him once im asleep my antipsychotic kicks in and makes me sleep like a horse once i do go to sleep.Anyway it works well and I took it last night at my friends house for the first time and I was laying on his bed after taking it and he said he was gonna go pick up his gf and drop her off from work so i said ok let me put on some music and have the lights off.He did and i was listening to the music i just put above and i closed my eyes for one sec and i woke up the next day just like that it was great.I also forgot to mention I did take a xanax to see if it stops me from feeling blank because i am also having a little anxiety for some reason too.Hoping it kills two birds with one stone.Overall I still need to sign up for classes just gotta get the motivation.I had lunch after my psych with my grandma and had lobster ,but while we were eating or after i forget my granmda was talking badly about my dad the whole time because my parents fought just a couple days before ad i was just trying to eat some food.I know my dad is annoying and stupid ,but I dont always need to ehar rants and complaining about anything.Also my mom and grandma went to mental health class for me for the first time over the weekend.I should feel happy about it but i feel nothing towards it.I asked how it was they said they met a lot of people and my grandma said it taught her more then any articles shes read.My grandma also told me we have to understand your schizophrenia ,but you have to understand your moms head injury ,because it can change her personality.I don’t often view it like that ,but it is true.My mom got into a car accident when she was 12 and have brain damage and was in a coma.I will admit i never take it into consideration o how it might affect her.Maybe i am being ignorant or maybe i cant see if from other peoples point of view but my own i dont know.I told someone i dont see things from others point of view and they said thats called being narcissist.I dont think it i think it could be apart of my mental health ,but whatever you say.It seems like people know things all about me even when they aren’t in my shoes.Even my grandma says she hates it when people makes assumptions about her or finish a sentence before she does about what she was saying.Not gonna lie i dislike when people cut you off it is annoying.Some thoughts i have been having lately are that i hate people and humans in general.Everyone is just based on opinions.People all fight for the own stuff and beliefs when their is so much too look at.Sorry im rambling anyway that is a thought i have been getting because i listen to the way everyone talks lately and notice small thing that are habit or that feels like they do on purpose to give a point. I cant explain it ,but all si know is i just listen to everything and think to myself damn i hate people.Like eharing everyone and seeing their personality and saying things hat are commonly said all makes me think everyone is just like programmed in their own minds pre things to say like you could say something and they just say something to counter it for no reason.I dont know it just erks me everything lately like im some salty grandma or something.I get bothered by a lot and have weird habits .One habit I have is lifting my gfeet up when something is about to happen or getting a rush when things happen.Another thing is i cuss to myself when i know nooen can hear about many things like when i was in the car fast food line for 50 minutes or when someone is crossing in front of me i cuss under my breath ,but in a very bothered way not exactly like a sigh more like WHAT THE FUCK .I still think i have a lot to work on for my mental health before i do other things.That is all for now have a nice night!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s