Anxiety + Paranoia Part 2

This picture represents how i laugh on the outside a lot and people think im fine ,but in reality im blank a lot not sad like this.I just came out of another panic attack right now same thing and yesterday or the day before i dont remember.I was just playing my game again and got a sudden rush of panic.This time i remember some of the paranoid thoughts i was having.I was thinking when i was in the dark “what if something touches me ill die” or “Someone is going to shoot me through my window Im gonna die.”or even if i had this kind of panic and paranoia in the psych ward they would give me the shot and lock me up there for a long tie thinking i was crazy”.Thats a reason i think i could be saying to myself you schizophrenic ass motherfucker.I dont know whats causing this but i dont like it.It is very bad feeling.I was also thinking about how i told my friend i’d be up early and didnt get up till 2 pm when i texted him at 8 am that id be up in 30 mins.I was staring at my ceiling ad my light was on id look around everywhere and then my eyes kept looking at the light like a moth i was thinking.I took a xanax and it took what felt like forever it felt like again.I joined a call with my two friends and asked them to play music while i was starting to stop freaking out.So at this moment i am lsitening to music with them.I cant take this feeling everyday if it stats that would be hell.I feel so much relief It feels godly I escaped that right now.I was thinking to myself though how would i be acting in a social situation in this scenario.I feel like id look like im tweaking by how i am moving or talking when im like this.I had to finish my game too while panicking again.God i dont want to feel that again im tired of it.This doesnt even usually happen and now it happened i think two nights in a row.Anyway thats all i wanted to write down right now so have a good day.Here is a song to listen to if you want.