Hypocrite

This picture represents questions i ask myself all the time and how they may or may not make sense.They may or may not be relevant.I just cant help but think of scenarios.So yesterday I had a therapy appointment and i told her about how i called my self a schizophrenic motherfucker when i was having the panic attacks.She was wondering what do i hold to having schizophrenia.I didnt know what i held to it other then my theory of the fact that when i was having the panic attacks it was like i was going into an episode like a psychotic episode.I was getting a rush foreign feeling with extreme paranoia and freaking out.It was like how I had a psychotic episode two years ago when a sudden feeling came over me.Thats how these panic attacks felt and maybe i was unconciously saying that to myself as if i felt like i were going into another episode.My therapist even said they could be like mini episodes and i should talk to my psych about it.Which i will she also told me when i call my self a schizophrenic i am defining myself as to say i have schizophrenia.Which i think is very true.She was telling me also if i had another rush like that to tell myself im smart kind and have morals over and over and i think if i could do that it might wire my brain to say that instead of you schizophrenic motherfucker.I went to the doctors today and he told me my bone was out of place in my wrist so now i need a catscan on both wrists to see what we will do from here.I still need to sign up for classes but it seems i am procrastinating hopefully i dont till it is too late.I want to talk about a certain subject today to put it behind me.I was watching videos with a friend and he was making funny faces so i took two screenshots of his face purely to send it to him and we could both get a laugh.Instead it turned out bad he was saying he isnt going to turn on his camera around me anymore and that it was creepy.I wanna know how its creepy his excuse was that I always have my camera off so it is ceepy that i took a picture because he cant screenshot me back.What a poor hypocritical excuse.You wanna know why i think that he is just saying that ,because our other friends have taken 1 million times worse pictures of him that im not gonna even say and posted it in chat with all of us and my friend laughed it out.Let me tell you something if i would of took any of those pictures my other friends did my friend would be freaking out telling me to delete them and never trusting me.So i wonder what makes him get mad at me for taking a picture of a funny face just to send to him.Then when i say something to him he says ohh your being so defensive.Yeah i am ,because your being a hypocrite and making poor excuses.You dont need to treat me differently.It makes me think i am being tretaed differently in a way.He once told me you wouldn’t do this if “Blank” was “blank”.Well guess what you wouldnt get mad at me taking the screenshots if i was your other friend and after we were done talking about it we tlaked normal for a bit then he brought it back up.He was milking something that i already understood after he told me he didnt want his picture taken.Why do I have to be treated differently im not really bothered i guess im kind of used to it but i notice things with people.With everyone in some sort of way o another i notice im the center of a joke or treated alittle bit differently.What do i give off for me to be seen as vulnerable or more likely to be treated differently.I dont know but its ok ill just keep going.I just thought he was being a hypocrite.I feel like he is also going to tell his other friends about me taking a picture of him making a funny face when it wasnt that big of a deal because i have heard him complain to others about me once that i did not appreciate.This is all what i think though so you can take what i said however you want.Thats all for today thanks for reading.Here is a song hope you like it.

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