Life and Beauty

This picture represents the beauty and happiness i am finding within myself and how i am viewing life.Not too long ago i was enveloped in darkness ,but now i feel as if I am seeing the light the beauty.I went to arizona for my grandpas wedding for 10 days.At first i didnt want to go because of my addiction to my game but then i told myself i wouldnt allow it to stop me.So I went and i have to say it was a very great choice i did!I got to meet so many people and it was a great experience and when my favorite uncle got there i was so happy.I mostly followed him around then whole time ,but thats because i enjoy being around him.I felt like i was following him like a lost dog and that he might be bothered but he said he wouldn’t.At first i didn’t knoqw how it was gonna be seeing my uncle because we had talked on messenger and i couldn’t tell the tone.As soon as he got there though i feel as if i had never bonded before.He even pulled me aside when we were partying one night and put his arm around me and told me how proud he is of me and how strong i am.I had to hold back tears ,because I was just so happy.He is getting married next year and i might be in the wedding and i’ll tell you for damn sure if i have a wedding he would be the best man without a doubt.I love my uncle to death.We have had so many great times and I actually plan to fly and see him this summer as i am also going to colorado.I am trying to get over my fears.When i was in arizona we would stay up late my whole family having fun leading up to the wedding ,singing in the house , singing outside till 7 am it was all so beautiful.I was drinking a lot some nights.Then the day of the wedding i didnt drink really at all not enough to even get buzzed.The wedding was great I actually have always hated weddings ,but this changed my mind around 180 degrees and i love them now and right after my grandpa got married there was the most beautiful red sunset.It showed its colors and lit the sky up as it went behind the mountain.There was also a really cute girl at the wedding that i wanted to talk to so i asked my uncle how old she was and he said 17 so i said nevermind because im 20.I didn’t even take an anxiety med at the wedding .The only part i regret is that i left the wedding early because i didnt want to dance.I wish i would of danced now as it would of been fun.Instead i went home and wrote a giant facebook post.Fromtheat day on i felt as if I was high but yet i was sober so im guessing it was just natural dopamine release.I didn’t drink from that day forward maybe other then a small drink.I still have the happy feeling going and its great.I met these two people one was my grandpas wifes grandaughter and the other was her boyfriend.Me and my uncle hung out with them the first couple days then we both got annoyed with them and the guy still tried talking to me but i would ignore mostly or try to get them to leave.I thought they were just wanting to take all of our alcohol and stuff.Which they were taking our alcohol ,but towards the end I was hungry and i said i didnt want to go to the other house because they were there so my uncle told me i got you lets go.So we went over i got food ate it and saw my uncle talking to them which i thought we were just gonna get food then go so i was debating on asking him if we could go but then i said fuck it and talked to.Then we went upstairs to the outside and they were smoking weed and we were just talking.I realized why have i been ignoring them this whole time they arent that bad and when i go to colorado I am going to meet a bunch of people my age that i wont like.You know what though they were cool there was no reason to dislike.I got to meet my uncles fiancee. she was very nice and i really do think my uncle found the right one im happy for him.I wish i could find a girl that was loyal and good right now ,but you know what im not going to dwell on it because my whole future is ahead of me.I dont have time to worry about stupid things.One night when my uncle went to bed early i even went on facebook and messaged everyone that was online chatting all who messaged back.I was just so happy i felt high.Me and my uncle went into the hotub a couple times and it was great relaxing.I even meditated there many times.I was meditating so hard once that my hands went numb like when your hand falls asleep both hands just went completely numb.I didnt use guided meditation or anything i just envisioned sometimes sexual things rarely but most of the time i would envision scenarios and my future life and just all the greatness i could think of.Man i love life right now.When i had to leave it was upsetting.When i was in the car ride on the way back home I was listening to dubstep and zoned out meditating and the next thing you know i just snapped out of it and it had been two hours and i had my eyes open the whole time.The funny part was i couldnt remember what i was thinking about when i snapped out of it.On the way home when we go to the LA part of california my mom had to go to the bathroom and my dad didnt want to stop in LA ,but he did and when we parked he was just cussing and freaking out.I told him to relax and my brother was telling him it was unnecessary and my dad told him to shut up.I told him to relax again and it is not the end of the world.He told me you try driving in this shit and blah blah blah.Guess what we went down one street and instantly got back on the freeway oh my god that was so hard!.Then when we go to where we lived my dad missed a u turn and started freaking out again cussing and what not then my mom let her mood be brought down by him and they stated yelling at each other.I told them they are acting like children and my brother was trying to stop them by yelling stop over and over again.Eventually they shut up.Let me tell you something i pity my parents sometimes because i am more mature then them in certain ways like it is just sad.Then we got home everything was fine.The next day i visit my best friend and i went to jack in the box and a girl i used to have a crush on in middle school and shes still really cute was working at the counter and she gave me a free milkshake.It surprised me and i tld her thank you.Later as i was leaving my friends house he asked me if i could take the milkshake home so hes not tempted to drink it ,because i was about to leave it there for him.So i put in my car on top of my phone not knowing and started driving and i look to my right and the milkshake spilled everywhere like everywhere.I went home and told my dad i need help cleaning it up and he starts yelling at me saying how hes gonna take the car away from me if i cant keep it clean and that i spilled ketchup before which i didnt.He was just yelling at me over and over ,but guess who knows how to control their emotions! yeah thats right me i didnt let him phase me and in fact i almost laughed a couple times.I told him to calm down and that it was just an accident.Then he started saying how he has to clean them up but i was helping too.I told him you need to not let things bring you down.He started going off topic so i just went inside.I am so glad I can keep control over myself now and not let things effect me and i wish others could learn too.Then fast forward a few days later im playing a video game my best friend calls me so i pick up and he says i need a house to go to im gonna kill myself.Usually it would be something to worry about with other people but i have seen hi say that so many times it feels like its just some card he pulls to get your attention.So i go to pick him up and i ask him whats wrong he tells me his stepdad took his truck from him for having weed in the car that wasnt his.In my mind im thinking bro that is your weed i have been in the car multiple times watching you take dabs with it.It was weird because the whole time he was at my house he kept tlaking about how it was his and he doesnt smoke which he does everyday.I have never actually seen someone in denial like that before.The night before he decided to do a line of coke and thats relavant because he called his mom and told them to drug test him.They think he just has weed in his system if they see coke hes going to be kicked out and im not going to help everyday or have him live at my house.He asked me if he can crash at my house i said yeah for tonight.Everytime he called his mom he would yell and cry and i couldnt take the stress so i went took a xanax and took a hot bath while he was still at my house,Later we went to his house and he wantd me to come in because he is afraid of conflict with his stepdad i dont know.I told him if you guys argue or yell im leaving.Everything was going good until as we were walking out the door he said i cant wait to prove you wrong and his stepdad said it doesnt matter the shit was still in your car.So right when i shut the door my friend said suck my dick and im glad his stepdad didnt hear it or he could of been kicked out.In my head this whole time im thinking all of this because you just got your truck taken away and your making things so much fucking worse.He started calling his mom again saying hes trying to ruin my life by taking the truck away how am i going to go to my job.It reality its a 10 minute walk form his house.So he walked to meet his girlfriend later and got a detox drink for 60$ hoping it works and we will see.He even called his real dad saying stuff to him and his dad told him ask for  all the money you have given him  for the truck back.Then my friend told me if my stepdad doesnt pay me for all the momney oi put in that truck im gonna have my dad beat his ass he doesnt have that much to lose.As you can see this is a big stresser and i am not goin to help with it anymore.He even wanted to go home later and said i really need a friend with me when i dropped hi off i told him sorry man i cant go in because im afraid you will argue with your stepdad again.H tried guilt tripping me saying i really need a friend man.Like come on dude be  a man and just go in.He made things so much worse and guess what its not my problem so dont expect me to help.He called me later and told me how im always there when he needs someone and was crying saying i love you bro and i couldnt ask for a better friend.I am just going to chill now because i dont have much hope he will pass the drug test and i cant house him if he gets kicked out i really hope that detox drinks works because if it doesnt the your screwed.Overall im doing really good i confronted my other friend my online one about how i fel hes treating me diffeently and i got the clarification i needed.For now im just gonna relax and stay happy.Thanks for reading today it means alot.Here is a song for today.Just a calming relaxing song to a nice video.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s