Rest in Peace

Today im going to say two things as im teary eyed.This picture represents me being stuck to the ground like a fence then slowly im becoming free like a bird in the sky as i get closer to the light.This picture also represents my psych who just passed away how he was stuck on this earth and now is free to fly free from the hell that is this earth.Today i can say for certain i am feeling sadness not just 20 minutes ago i get a call that my appointment to my psych was cancelled.Confused i said ok? then the lady said “im sorry to tell you” i just knew.He had passed away.I want to write this blog in his honor.I didnt view him as just a psych i viewed him as a friend and a person thats been with me through the years.I didnt know id feel this way but i started feeling a tightness in my chest when i heard the news.and right now before i started typing i started to cry.I loved him as a person he was so great.He always showed me magic tricks at the end of every session and showed me how to do them when he didnt show others.He gave me magic tricks and book from his office.He had the biggest book collection and gave me so many books and i have one that has his name signed on it and ill cherish it in his name.I remember when i was in group therapy and i had an appointment with him we talked for 2 hours straight.4 times the time of my usual appointments he skipped lunch to talk to me.He would tell me stories about what has happened to him or talk to me abnout meds show me the chemistry behind them and explain them to me.He told me books i should also get.I cant explain all the good things about him but hes a very good person and i know hes in a better place now.he trusted me with all my meds that a normal psych wouldnt and not going to lie he gave me inspiration to help people and why i might want to be a psychiatrist.He is a reason why i want to help people in the medical field.Id always tell him how im doing then we would talk about so many things i had a feeling like i was a different kind of patient to him.Im upset i didnt make an appointment sooner to see him.I regret it now but theres nothing i can do now.I also feel like when i get a nw psych they will take my meds away but alls i need in my anxiety i am very responsible with them and i hope they trust me.There will never be a better psych then the one i had.All the good times i had he would always wear the same thing every time i had an appointments.Brown slacks ,white button up shirt, and a red bowtie I always notice the bowtie.Im sad but at the same time i am glad hes watching down on all his patients now seeing how they do and i know he will be watching me.I couldnt ask for a better psych i had known him for years and would never expected this to happen so early.I remember joking just a month ago that one day ill have to find a new psych but i cant believe it happened like this i thought he would retire and continue to live life.He was older like 70 or high 60s.I didnt realize how much i had cared for him i took things for granted.I enjoyed our appointments and i know he did too he sure did brighten up my day.I was even going to write him an appreciation letter to him i told him i was and he said i dint have to but i wanted to anyway then i didnt see him for like a month or two and now hes gone.Ill always have you in my memories you were their for the rough and the good days.I couldnt ask for anymore of you.There is such much more good to you then i am speaking.You always joked with your patients and made them feel comfortable.It really saddens e this happened you knew how to treat people right and i dont know your personal life but i know you probably have good support and i know they are greifing.I dont usually pray but i think tonight i will just for you so that maybe in some sort of hope in my mind you can hear me in the afterlife and know how much i appreciated you and how thankful i am for your help and kindness.All good things come to an end at some point whether you know or not but i bet you passed away happy.I hope it was painless and i hope you didnt suffer.I still cant believe this happened its unreal.Rest in peace thomas. This song is for him . and i wrote this quick poem for him even though it sucks i had to write for him.

“Though most days are sunny
today is as dark as night
my heart aches i feel tight
these tears i hold back i fight
you were so great and kind
there is no better i will find
as i will always remember you
all things you have done for me and we have been through.
You are the moon in this dark
shining bright your light leaves a mark.
Oh what great memories you have gave
i promise in the end i will stay
stay true to myself and progress in my life
i know you will watch over me withing the night
for you are oh so a great light
in this oh so dark reality.
I wish you the best and know your in a better place
i cant stop thinking about you i can just see your face
Thank you for making me feel better
I feel as if if i have bad weather
going on in my heart
so now that i have said what i must we must part.”

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