Everything is everything

This picture represents just happiness and colorful bliss.A sight that brings me some joy while looking at this picture as i hope it does for you too.The title of this blog is representing something my friend who did an acid trip yesterday said to me.Everything is everything.I cant say we have the same meaning of it because everyone is different but my friend was coming down from his acid trip and we had really deep conversation like about a higher being, what the afterlife could look like , and just him telling me things he waas understanding.Personally i wouldnt use a drug like acid but i can see how it helps others find things they didnt notice before.He pointed some things out to me that i never noticed in things before to the only example i can think of is that this music video ive seen many times the guy is actually tripping acid on it while hes in it.It was nice talking to my friend about deep stuff.I wish i could tell you what he meant by everything is everything ,but heres my meaning of it.I meditate now and when meditating sometimes i cry out of the beauty of it and i think the worlds connected between what you visualize and whats together the fabric of the world is connected.were destined to for things to happen to us and just being one with everything means everything is everything.Let me tell you some of the things i visualized while meditating. So sometimes i meditate differently then others such as some i just visualize others i just let thoughts wonder and think of them and other times i just keep a clean mind.So when i meditated yestteday I pictured me in a field and a beautiful girl who was my wife and we danced in the field together in the wind.I was spinning her around and holding her its making me teary eyed thinking about it then i had two beautiful children that were mine walk up to me as i patted them on the head and we headed back to the cottage in the middle of the field I then flew up into the sky like an angel soaring through the sunlight and flew over my hometown and went to my friends house he was down so i shone some happiness on him i went to my other friends house saw he was crying gave him some happiness and he started smiling without even seeing me then I went to the clouds and was walking on them and at this moment there was a piano like song playing in my earbuds so i saw my wife playing the piano in a white dress in the clouds while i hopped floating in the air on the clouds then the music went to a harp like sound with humming like from a temple with monks humming sort of so i was at the bottom of a long stairwell and went up the stairs to a japanese temple to see monks sitting around everywhere humming then when that subsided there was a harp playing past the crowd but i couldnt see it so i moved past the crowd and it was the beautiful girl i was awe struck.In the music there was a second instrument being played so in my visualization i went up there and we just played together i had tears coming down my face in real life at this point and when i saw my kids in the field ,but after we were done playing we both flew into the sky again into the atmosphere just looking down at all the lights on earth as it was dark.I then flew with her to all the stars and beautiful galaxies then that faded i saw my dead relatives and was happy to see them.I dont remember the rest but that was when i meditated for an hour straight.I loved it so much it was like bliss i didnt have a single thing to worry about but being in the moment.I also recently looked into astral projection and am interested in doing it yet when i was going to do it yesterday night i found my self too tired.If you dont know was astral projection is its like being fully aware and conscious outside of your body.An example would be like you come out of your body fully conscious and you can go to different places or wander your home going through walls and floating in the air like a lucid dream but with your full consciousness.It may sound silly but its a real thing anyone can do.There are many techniques to do it ,but before you try a technique you have to be in a sleep like state.So right before you sleep you need to be aware of yourself and i cant explain it well because im not an expert but basically you could go into sleep paralysis which you shouldnt be scared of it is just where you cant move your body then you might go through a vibration stage where you feel tingles then you go to the separation phase where you go out of your body.two techniques i learned you could do it one is called the rope method.You lay down and start visualizing pulling on a rope and thinking about how it feels when you sit up so keep thinking of pulling up on a rope and thinking of actually how it feels.It tricks your brain into not knowing if your really sitting up or not like that and you can astral prject.Note that you can fall asleep doing this multiple times until you get it down.the other one is where you imagine a dear object or person to you.Think on every detail of it the smell ,the look, the feel , and if its something you can taste then imagine the taste and just keep thinking on the object or person.Im no expert but im going to do this till i succeed.I just love meditating because you just feel so relaxed afterwards.I feel so happy with life right now its great.Im so content with everything.With one of my friends though i notice alot he always says he has to do something.Like do something with his life but I try to comfort him and tell him he has a job and were only 20 we dont have to have everything figured out right now.I have heard him compare to others and say stuff like he has a house by himself hes doing something with his life.You know i dont know whats going on through my friends head but i personally dont think its good to compare to other people because people have it different then others in the case of the guy with the house he was given that house with money he got from a lawsuit.Everyons got it different you dont have to always think you have to do something and im not one to tells others what to think or do im just saying how i feel in this blog because thats what i do i write my thoughts  down.I dont know what hes feeling but i know he will succeed.He is addicted to weed and i know that sounds stupid but he spends alot of money on it all the time and he relys on it and if he doesnt have it he instantly freaks out or gets angry.My other friend though i can just tell hes not loving life.He tells me everyday about bad things happening to him i almost never hear any good.It upsets me my friends are so down recently like iw sih there was something i could to make them feel better.At least im going to colorado soon in i think less then a week. Im excited but at the same time nervous.I had a friend tell me no one is happy with their life ,but let me tell me tell you i am happy with my life even though i may not have a job or going to school till fall im perfectly content with my living so i dont believe that no one is happy with their life bullshit.People can find happiness in the darkest times sometimes.I wasnt happy a year ago and hell even before that i had so much darkness in me hell read my old  blog posts i even had a suicidal phase that has never happened to me before ,but i pushed through and i am happy now and i would never want to go back.Im not saying its easy at all to get out of dark places im just saying its not impossible and if your struggling i hope you will find your peace i truly do.I used to say i hate people ,but now i have love it my heart, I used to feel blank and not care for things i never opened my heart to people now im showing love to my friends and having an open heart.Im happy with the things ive learned from group therapy and the psych ward and at all the progress i made.Not saying i wont have down days again but right now im feeling great and thats all that matters to me.I love my friends .I remember when i was feeling apathetic and my friend asked me if i would care if he died and i said no i remember him crying that night and blacking out with alcohol and pills.I didnt feel anything then about it but now looking back on it how cruel of me to make my friend feel as if he was nothing to me.I regret saying that and if i could takeit back i would because im not that person anymore im a better one now.Hell when my psych died i went to a griefing counciling at the hospital he workd at and cried my eyes out and tlaked more then anyone and just talked for 2 hours straight about him.If that doesnt show i changed then i dont know what does.I used to feel like a heartless monster in an eternal abyss ,but now i see myself as a loving caring good friend brother and son.Looking back on all that happened scares me and i dont like talking about it but im looking to the future now.I want a family and kids and to be a nurse and buy my own house and my first car.Im gonna go back to school again and do it nothing will stop me not even my anxiety.I will stay strong and i will prevail and when my friends are down ill try to help them even if there sonly so much i can do being there for them shows my love for them.I hope they can see i care about them and know ill be here.Thank you for reading todays blog.Heres a song to end it :).I love 50’s msuic and this song actually had me outside dancing some and feeling refreshed hopefully you can get good vibes from this too.