Living life

This picture represents me walking alone through the forest and seeing life as the deer and never seeing something so beautiful before.Life itself is beauty its a great thing and im glad ive been living it to the fullest lately.I went to colorado just recently and met my internet friends that i already considered very close and i was so scared to go i almost let my anxiety hold me back .Then i told myself no i will push through and i did .I got to denver and my friend picked me up i was so happy to see him then he handed me a darkish looking drink in a water bottle and said here drink some tea then right after told me its not actually tea its apple brandy.I sipped on it as i watched all around me filled with joy. I then got back and met everyone else and they were all how i knew them online.Throughout the entire time i was there i told them i love them and gave many hugs all the time.I got there 4 days before two other friends were flying in and we went to the grocery store and were drifting alittle bit got some air i felt great and happy. My one friend always cooked the best food.Then one day we got hotpot and i met some new people and this girl i thought was cute.I mean i know i have no chance with her but i dont mind being friends i just hit her up on snapchat .Then our friends flew in and the first thing that happened when they arrived is my one friend hugged me hella tight and started kissing me on my neck a couple times it weirded me out not gonna lie.Not only that but i got a cpouple weird vibes from him while out there just because he kept staring at me and smiling then id make eye contact then look away but he kept smiling and staring.Another thing he did on the trip was rub my back and ask to sit on my lap idk if he was drunk or what or maybe im going crazy but those were just some weird vibes i was getting it just rubbed me the wrong way alittle.When we all go there we had lots of fun people were smoking weed which i partaked alittle during that time and drinking.One night my friend made me a screwdriver which is vodka and orange juice and he put about 3 shots in it and i downed it fast.My friend then said he would pour me another if i drank it slowly i said i would knowing damn well i was gonna chug it too he poured it and turned his back for like 5 seconds turned back around and it was gone.I was blasted at this point and started getting in my feels so i played a song that im gonna post at the end called yeah right by joji which is the one that hit me the most and i was in the feels about the girl i saw at hotpot for some reason when you listen to the song you will know what i mean just listen to all the lyrics i could explain what each one meant to me but it would take to much time.They kept trying to change the music to gangster tupac and then id secretly change it back to feels music.Even tricked my friend into putting a feels song on ahaha.I also had my fist hookah experience out there i mean hookah bar experience.It was real chill.I went through so many juul pods out there moe then at home by 10 fold.Then one night we went to a friends house and had a little kick back.My two friends are together and ones going to be a nurse and the other is a technical engineer i think.So they are set and got things figured otu and im happy for them.I love all my friends so much.Its like i get different vibes with them then anyone else.I mean that in a good way.The only thing that sucked is when people would sleep when im trying to hang with them haha.One day we out to eat at a burgr place which was good went to the mountains saw the nice views but as we were going down the mountain my friend in the fist miata drifted the corner and my second friend in the middle miata crashed and i was in the third miata in the back.We joked about it later but they could of died not going to lied i freaked out at first ad we pulled over i called my friend in the first car and there was no cell reception and alls he heard was me call his name.I hear him skrrtin back to us. My friend was sideways on a bank luckily he didnt crash at a part that would go off a cliff.it had no top so if they flipped he would landed on some boulders and could of died. The park ranger came out down and the cops came the paramedics came and then eventually left and we waited for a tow truck to arrive.It took so long by the time they got there.I had to ide back in the crashed car with my other friend who owned the car on the way back and it was a scary ride back the car would randomly swerve on the freeway the back tire would lock up and it made bad noises and the gears were shifted. We made it back though in one piece and we were safe.My friend who crashed said the brakes went out and thats why he crashed but he was going alittle fast down the hill to keep up with our other friends.He told me later after we were all home he was pissed we all posted it on social media but to me it was a colorado experience so of course im gonna post it.You cant decide what i post.then we went to sonic one day and the girl came up to us gave us the food and asked if we needed anything else and my one friend said yeah can i get your number she then said she wouldnt give out her number but would give her snapchat.so they snapchatted but at the end of the day she sent him a pic with her and another guy in bed so that was a big shutdown but i know my bro will find love one day.They also had bomb breakfast burritos in the town we stayed at i loved them so much.I woish i didnt have to leave but i did have to so when i got home i was sad for a bit but i did miss my home a bit.One day though when i was in colorado me and a friend were home alone i decided to smoke weed to much this time.At first i was in the giggly stage but i took a xanax because i knew i was gonna freak out alittle later.me and her were laughing so we called our friend and we were so high and laughing that we didnt even know what we were saying and i was tlaking about milk and pee both come from like the fluids you drink and said some stupid shit. After that i got to the freakout stage where i was paranoid and trippin and i was watching bobs burgers with my friend and then she said lets watch this upstairs and for some reason i got weird vibes because i was high but i said ok and she told me to get in the self massage chair while she hooked up the labtop to the tv but like i was getting hardcore weird vibes until the massage chair hit then the xanax kicked in and i was fine turned out the tv wasnt working so we just went back downstairs after she had a turn in the massage chair.There was even a time where  me and my friend were gona watch netflix and we both fell asleep before we put anything on as i was told by my other friends.I swear though one reason i hate weed is because i take everything the wrong way and its not good for me.It makes me trip out alot.anyways if i could think of more stuff that happened i would say it right now but my mind is blank at the moment so ill talk about other stuff.So when i got back i told my brother i loved him and gave him a hug and we have almost no connection because i pushed him away for some reason.but were growing closer each day and im going to start working out soon and work on me.My friend back home i feel gets jealous when he sees me doing stuff with other that i dont do with him so when i got back he would tell me why dont we do stuff when we get back and id say like what kind of stuff .Or when he heard i smoked weedout there he wanted me to smoke with him.I told him i didnt like weed and didnt want to do it.Then one day he had a chat with me in his car and says it seems you do more stuff with your other friends then with me like you like them more. To myself i thought on it for a couple days and was thinking i like my friends im close with the same but their vibes are different then his.My friends personalities in colorado got me to go out mopre they are very fun and entertaining and great people. With my friend back home i feel like i just like chilling with him at his house because his idea of going out is just to eat out of town or shop which i dont like shopping.Then my other hometown bestfriend hit me up two days ago and asked if i wanted to go to lunch with him i said sure and he said i should come to a kickback later.I of couse said yes because i dont get to see him much and we went to lunch had a good time i went back home came back over at 8 and little did my best friend mention our other friend it was his 21st bday.He was so drunk when time went by he was rolling on the air matress almost falling off then said he had to puke so we lifted him outside on a blanket where he puked his guts out and it smelled.We had to basically babysit him and hold him everywhere he went and walke dhim over to a fence to pee.he got scared bladder and couldnt do it.so we walke dto him to the bathroom where he went.Then he started calling a girl he likes and we were all yelling at him who are you talking to and told him to give the phone to us which he finally did and we hung it up.he was having a good time from the looks of it and he went hard on his bday.I left at 10 pm because i was drunka nd my aprents were ready for bed but after i left i sa w snapchats of the rest of the night and he put his face in the cake lol.The last thing i wanted to talk about is one of my friends and me got into an argument and it was about loli which is underage anime girls and he knows i love anime and just because he knows i like some of the characters that i like some of them charcaters in the show because they are cute and a main character whats wrong with liking a character.I never watched porn of these things nor do i view them in any sexual way but here he was calling me sick minded and a child molestor in the making. H ethinks because i watch anime and anime sexualizes everything he thinks what im watching is considered child porn and the fact he called me a child molestor in the making made me angry.At first iw asnt angry im never angry at first i just told him im not gonna debate his close minded ass.i didnt say the second part but thats what i was thinking.then he would say stuff like then i win you cant argu with me and i just kept saying im not gonna debate you and he would try everything to get me to say something abck and then it was just silence in the call so i said im leaving bye and left.After i left we were in a thing called watch2gether where you ca watch videos together and i forgot i was still in it and he puts a video titled fuck weeaboos then leaves.what a good friend right.Im not mad anymore though i forgave but i dont really wan to talk to him for a bit.he always thinks hes being real sometimes when he just has close minded thoughts and perceives things the wrong way sometimes and it bugs me.I get it though everyone makes mistakes as do i.I think hes going through a self destructive path sometimes slowly but he will get his shit together one day i hope.I love him as a bro but i dont appreciate certain things he does.other than that hes a really good friend to me.sorry for the rant just had to get that off my chest.Anyways im lvoing life right now and school is stating in august so i want to be a nurse and i willa chieve my goals i can fight my anxiety and i know i can do it .anways this the end of this blog thanks for reading.

Here is the song that i had the feels fo that one girl listen to every lyirc or read it and try to see what my drunk mind was thinking XD btw all my friends knew who i had the feels for too so it was funny.: