This picture represents the absence of things in my life such has a functional home , absence of emotion for awhile and absence i go from my friends and much more.I am so filled with anger right now its unbelievable i think it started because i been drinking coffee only the whole day not eaten until 30 mins ago , parents fighting, i cost my parents 25,000 dollars for the help i got after the psych ward and everything.My mom was making food for everyone and she stated testing my patience so i snapped at her some and when i did what she asked and tried talking to her she ignored me.Then i try to game with my friends and am so mad i had to mute everyone and myself in the call before i flipped on them this feeling isnt good it has such anger and i can feel me about to burst at the slightest inconvenience. I keep having scenarios in my head of cussing my mom out and throwing all of the laundry everywhere and telling her to fuck off. I keep feeling angry and im trying so damn hard not to think irrationally and am taking steps to avoid stuff but everything is testing me.I dont know what brought this on i also feel super caffinated.My mind is slipping between anger and hate and rational thinking.My mom is ignorant and my dad is close minded and has temper problems. How the hell can my dad be so childish sometimes i dont know how he gets angry at the slightest things but it could be a reason of why i have gotten angry alot before because of what i was raised around. I was tlaking to my friend the other day about how i believe in a god but not really a certain one just that there is a higher being like how do we blindly follow one book and say that all this is what happened.How can we possibly know what relgion is truly real. Sure people say they have seen proof by god talking to them and stuff but still how do you know your religon is the right one and everything else is false. My dad just blindly follows the bible and once i saw my brother try to say something logical and my dad yells and says it sin the bible and thats the word.He is a blind follower because he was raised that way. No one knows how were here we just come up with some solution on how we are here because thats something that humans want to be satisfied knowing.alls im saying is maybe we were meant to think for ourselves and queston whatever we want or follow what we want. Its just that just because your raised a way doesnt mean you cant have doubts sometimes you think and try to think logically but there is no logic in how we were here we dont know.And if the bible is the real true religion then why would god send every person who didnt believe the bible or is gay or people who live happy lives and never done anything to hurt anyone to hell.No loving god would just condemn peple to eternal torture like that. Anyway I just dont like this feeling and im trying to listen to music to calm down but its not working i wish i could stop this because even though i know i can be rational and just say things in a good way it doesnt matter because my mind would rather be angry and blow up on someone ad be irrational.fuck everything right now. I feel like there is an absence of something in me right now and i cant put my finger on it alls i know is every human is flawed and not perfect and who the hell even know what perfect means.Normality is just a construct.Yeha im done typing right now i cant think bye everyone heres a song.
Filled with hate