Starting Point

This picture represents how I feel like I have been in another universe, with my self-growth and improvement. In a way it is also me opening my eyes to the beauty ahead and the goals and dreams I strive for. I have been off my blog for so long seriously, for what seems like years. I don’t know what I shared last, but that’s the past, I am looking forward now. I just finished this semester of college and got over 100% in my English class, one I dread a lot, due to fear of failing. I really underestimate myself sometimes, and I need to stop doing that. I have become more self-aware and content. I got hired as a tutor for my college currently. This would be considered my first real job, and for that I am thankful. In the meantime I have been on disability for the caffeine abuse I did awhile back, that made my schizophrenia worse. My teacher is writing me a letter of recommendation as well. She also thanked me for making the class so much better and thanked me for helping out students without anyone prompting me to. I just did it out of kindness. She also commented, how after we took the the self-evaluations at the end of the year, there was a question about who impacted you in class during the whole year the most. She told me many said me, not only because I helped a lot, but also because I said things they were too afraid to say. I feel very happy I think hearing all of this news. I really don’t know how to take these types of things in. I have a harder time identifying my emotions well.

I also decided I want to try to get into Stanford. I want to challenge myself, as well as get the best education I feel I can, and also be more independent in life. I am thankful to those in my life, even if it doesn’t show to them, and to those I lost as friends, we just misunderstood each other and I still wish you the best of luck in life. I will strive and push myself to be a better me, I know that from experience I can only learn and get stronger. It is fine that I am weird, unique, or whatever you want to label it as. I just want to treat others with kindness and respect, it just feel natural to me, thus why I want to help others. I can see through reactions and actions, that I have in fact impacted people for the better. Like I said before, my purpose in life is to help others, and speaking of that, I have a N.A.M.I meeting to facilitate tomorrow. The sad part about that, is that my co-facilitator passed away at the beginning of the year. It makes me take things into more perspective. The last time I talked to her in a meeting, she had a friend pass away, now she has passed. From what, I don’t know. I started meditating more and more now, and it helps so much. I do different types of meditations, such as guided meditations on things like manifesting, or positivity, or letting my subconscious float in silence to nature sounds and noises. I do many more, but it is too much to list in one go. I feel great updating everyone on my blog again, even if I don’t expect many to read it; due to inactivity on my part.

Writing itself feels so freeing. Your mind just flows, and you can just spill what you’re thinking. I found out after my English class, I like to be creative and expressive. I am spiritual and not religious, but I thank god for everything he has taught me. I also feel people that have passed on, are still with me watching and guiding me, as I go. I am also starting piano lessons soon, as I have wanted to play for so long and eventually get to learn how to play my favorite song Claire De Lune. I am starting to do a lot of things now, and I feel like nothing can hold me back. I am keeping all the bad energy away, while keeping those that help me grow and are healthy with me. I wish great luck to me this year, going forward in 2023 and I hope I can achieve more than I can imagine, just as I am doing day by day. I am also thankful I got to see my favorite K-pop group Blackpink, in L.A recently. So to end this little update and blog post I will post a song of theirs. I hope all of you have a wonderful year too.

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